


Heart To Heart

by Liz_87



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:15:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24537589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liz_87/pseuds/Liz_87
Summary: Duffy finally admits the truth to Charlie about her rape. Series 33.
Relationships: Lisa "Duffy" Duffin/Charlie Fairhead
Kudos: 8





	Heart To Heart

It was well over an hour after the end of his shift when Charlie finally entered his office after yet another meeting with Connie about the upcoming inspection. He'd promised to meet Duffy there at the end of their shifts so they could travel home together but she was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. They'd barely spoken all week - even when they were actually at home together she seemed so quiet, so distant. He couldn't really blame her, work seemed to have taken over both their lives recently - particularly his. Out the corner of his eye he spotted a post it note attached to the phone, he picked it up - 

"Gone home to make dinner. D x"

He read the note a couple more times, not sure if she was mad at him or not. 

Travelling home he stopped at the little flower shop a few streets from their house, the owner was closing for the day but he had begged him to stay open a little longer. His purchase acquired he continued his journey. 

Walking through the door he found the house unexpectedly quiet. Usually when she was cooking Duffy would have music playing or the TV on but he could hear neither. Her car was parked out the front so she couldn't have gone far and it was only early evening so he doubted she would have stormed off to bed without him already - though that had happened on a couple of occasions when he had been very late home. 

Placing the flowers - a mixture of red and white roses tied together with a yellow ribbon - on the table in the hall and hanging his jacket on the hook he ventured further into the house. Entering the kitchen he found a lasagne on the counter, all prepared for the oven which was already hot. He placed it in the oven and continued his search. 

He walked into the lounge and, after turning on a lamp to slightly illuminate the darkness, spotted her curled up asleep on the sofa. Crouching down next to her he brushed a few strands of hair off her face. She looked so peaceful and beautiful - the lines of worry and stress that marred her features when she was awake had melted away. He placed his hand on the coffee table to lever himself up to check on the food but as he did his fingers hit something. He picked up the box to look at it more closely. Antidepressants. What was his wife doing with antidepressants? He looked at the label more closely, squinting to read the text without his glasses on. The prescription was dated over two weeks ago. So she'd been taking them that long without mentioning anything or him noticing. He briefly contemplated waking her up to have it out with her but immediately knew that would do neither of them any good. 

Re-entering the kitchen he continued to prepare their meal - garlic bread out the freezer and into the oven, and salad items out the fridge to be prepared. 

Once the salad was ready he moved into the dining room to set the table. He placed the cutlery, a couple of candles and their glasses on top of a tablecloth he'd pulled out of a kitchen drawer. He lent the flowers on her chair. Checking the timer he saw that there was five minutes to go til the food was ready. Rather than force the discussion about the medication by going back into the lounge to wake her, he decided to simply call her from the hallway door. 

"Duffy?! Sweetheart, dinner is almost ready! Duffy!" 

She awoke groggily on the sofa. What? Where? Dinner? Oh damn! She'd started cooking and then fallen asleep. Sitting up she noticed the box lying out on the coffee table, she'd forgotten to put it back in her bag! She quickly threw it back in there, hoping that Charlie hadn't noticed. She walked through to the kitchen, stretching and yawning as she entered the room. 

"Hi."

"Hi, sorry I was late back. You were snoozing when I came in so I thought I'd finish making dinner. You go sit down, I'll bring it through in a second." 

Walking through to the dining room she noticed the beautifully laid out table and flowers. Her earlier anger at him melted slightly. She sat down just as he brought the food in and set it down in front of her. He returned moments later carrying a jug and started to pour the contents onto their glasses. 

"I hope you don't mind juice, I didn't really fancy wine tonight. It's been a long day." 

"No, that's fine." 

Silence descended as they began to eat but it wasn't the usual comfortable silence, the atmosphere was decidedly strained. After about five minutes Duffy couldn't take it any more. 

"You don't have to pretend Charlie, I know you saw the pills." 

He looked up at her and sighed. "We don't have to talk about it now. I'm here when you're ready." 

She rolled her eyes. "Please don't treat me like one of your patients Charlie." 

"Fine. Ok. So why didn't you tell me you were struggling? Why didn't you tell me you had been given pills?" 

"I didn't want to burden you..." She began. 

"I'm your husband! That's what I'm here for, to be there for you when you need me." 

"I wanted to tell you but you were already stressed out enough with the impending inspection. I didn't want to add to that. I'm sorry." She lowered her head, her fingers playing with the tablecloth. 

A thought occured to him. "The day you were late into work, that's when you got them wasn't it?" She nodded. "You lied to me. I asked you where you'd been. You looked me in the face and lied to me!" Although he tried to stay calm, his voice had begun to rise. 

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She pushed her chair back from the table and practically ran from the room. Her footsteps echoed loudly on the stairs before finally he heard the bang of their bedroom door slamming shut. 

He smacked his fist down on the table at his own stupidity. He briefly debated whether to leave her for a while to calm down but quickly decided against it. Rising from the table he walked up the stairs and turned the handle of the door. Pushing the door he found it wouldn't budge. He sighed. 

"Duffy, please. Why do you always lean against the door like that? Please let me in so we can talk about this properly." 

The only response he got was the muffled sounds of her crying. Sitting down on the floor, he also lent against the door, mirroring her position. He rested his head back against the wooden surface. 

"I love you. I hope you know that. Nothing you say could ever change that. I need to know why you felt you couldn't tell me, couldn't let me help you. We've always been there for one another before, what's different this time? What's changed?" 

Silence. A deafening silence was all that came from the other side of the door. 

"Duffy, please! It won't get any better if you won't talk about it. I want to help. Tell me how I can help you." 

"I can't." The voice was barely above a whisper, he had to strain to hear her. But she was finally talking. That had to be progress. 

"Yes you can. I'm here to help you. How long have you been hiding this? Weeks? Months?" 

She let out a short, bitter laugh. "Too long." 

"What started you feeling like this? Did something happen?" 

"Nothing happened! How many times do I have to say that before you believe me?" 

A sick feeling began to twist it's way around his insides as he recalled the first time he'd heard her say those words to him. She'd looked so scared, her face and body all cut and bruised. His mind tried to fit the pieces together. Why was this coming up now? What had caused her mind to go back to that night when she'd been attacked? It was so long ago yet something must have happened recently to bring it all back again. Suddenly a memory surfaced. She'd awoken screaming, her arms thrashing. He'd narrowly avoided being hit in the face. When exactly had that been? It must be a couple of months ago now. The night of the ambulance crash. The night Alicia had been brought in. The same day that everyone had found out that Eddie had raped Alicia. Oh god no! She'd always insisted that she'd only been physically attacked, one time she'd gone as far as saying that he'd tried to touch her but had been disturbed before anything more had happened. 

His voice was barely a whisper when he spoke. "Duffy, sweetheart, you need to tell me what really happened that night." 

"Nothing. Happened."

"We both know that's not true." 

The deafening silence had returned. He swallowed back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm him. "He raped you, didn't he?" 

Her tears started again. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" She gasped. 

"What?! You have nothing to be sorry for! If anyone should be sorry it's me. I've let you suffer in silence all these years when I should have been helping you!" 

The sound of her breathing seemed to suddenly change. It was agitated and choppy. He quickly realised she was beginning to panic. 

"Just listen to the sound of my voice. Nothing more. You need to slow your breathing down." 

"I'm here with you. Keep breathing, in and out. That's it. Nice and slow." Her breathing calmed a little but was still erratic.

"I'm here Duffy. I always will be, don't ever doubt that. Nice and slow breaths. That's it. Everything is going to be ok."

"You are one of the strongest women I've ever met. You've coped with so much over the years I've known you, but you don't need to cope alone. Not anymore. You don't have to cope alone. I'm here."

"It's ok darling. I'm here. I'm right here. Can you let me know you are feeling calmer?"

"Um... A bit."

"Is the feeling still there? Can you tell me when it gets too much?"

"I'll try."

"Is me knowing about it upsetting you?"

"Yes."

"Because it was so long ago? Or because I know about it now?"

"Now."

"Does it make it more real me knowing about it?"

"Yes."

"Does it make you believe I'll treat you differently?"

"Yes."

"Does that scare you?"

"Yes."

"It's me Duffy. I could never think differently of you. You are not to blame."

"You don't know that."

"Is that what is scaring you? Not knowing how I'd react?"

"Yes."

"What is worrying you more, me being there to support you to acknowledge it happened, or me treating you differently?"

"It changing things between us."

"Can you tell me why you think that?"

"I'm not who you thought I was."

"Who do you think you are?"

"Dirty, damaged."

"How could I think that?"

"Because it's true."

"Duffy, I love you. I have loved you through all your pain, all your heart aches. I could never love you any less."

"It was my fault."

"For being in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"I was supposed to be at work."

"You were walking to work. You were going about your daily routine. How can that be your fault?"

"I missed the bus."

"Missing the bus and walking to work does not deserve that."

"I should have known better than to take a shortcut. It had happened to others already."

"It happened to you. And to others. It is not your fault."

"I thought you'd be mad at me for being late again."

"Duffy. You were simply walking to work. You just missed the bus. You took a shortcut. What happened to you was wrong. It can never be your fault."

"I went over to him. I thought he was poorly. I just wanted to help."

"You did that because you care Duffy. You care about others. You always have."

"I should have fought harder to get away."

"You did all you could do Duffy. No one is blaming you for it. It happened. You didn't deserve it."

"I couldn't stop him."

Charlie's whole body tensed up. He wanted nothing more than to fight this demon from his wife's past but he knew he couldn't. 

"I tried to scream, tried to shout. But I couldn't."

"You were scared, alone and frightened. You did all you could do."

"It wasn't enough though. He laughed. Said I was pathetic."

"You aren't pathetic. His words are meaningless."

"I couldn't move. I couldn't fight."

Charlie sighed and felt tears gathering in his eyes. He fought with himself to hold them back. She needed him to be strong right now. 

"You tried Duffy. That's all you could do."

"I didn't though. I just lay there terrified."

"And how can you fight this now? How can you fight what he did to you?"

"I don't know. I can't."

"You can. Because you have been fighting this ever since Duffy. You hid it away. Fought him repeatedly to get him out of your mind. You've lived your life Duffy. You have your boys. Your work. You have fought him your whole life, since."

"I wish it had never happened."

"So do I, darling, so do I."

"See? The fact it did happen does change things!"

"You have me, you will always have me. I will always be here, right here, by your side."

"That's why I thought for so long that you didn't want me. That you'd figured out the truth and it disgusted you."

"How could I ever think that of you? I wish I hadn't been such a fool and told you how I felt about you."

"You don't hate me then?"

"Duffy, loving you is the only thing I could ever do."

"Even now, when you know the truth?"

"Now I can only say how I feel. It can never change how much I love you. Nothing will change that." He paused briefly, allowing that to sink into her mind. "Can I see you? I need to see you Duffy."

He heard shuffling from the other side of the door. He knelt to reach the door handle. He turned it and pushed, the door slowly opened. She was sat on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest with her tearstained face resting on them. He remained sat in the doorway, not wanting to come too close, not wanting to frighten her. He'd sit there all night if he had to, until she was ready. 

She continued to cry quietly for a short time before she slowly lifted her head up to look at him. 

He stayed silent allowing her to study his face. Finally she looked into his eyes. Instead of the anger and loathing she had feared might be there, all she saw was love. She slowly crawled over to where he was sat. He stayed totally still, concerned that any movement from him could spook her. She sat next to him, close but not quite touching. He wasn't sure how long they sat like that, lent against the wall. Not a word was spoken between them. Her eyes were closed and he was starting to think that she'd maybe fallen asleep when he felt her fingers brush against the back of his hand. He turned his hand over and she lay her hand in his. 

Again the silence returned. He knew he must be patient with her, allow her to be in control. 

Finally she spoke, her voice strained from all the crying she had done. 

"Hold me. Please." 

He gently took her into his arms. Her head rested against his chest. 

"You're safe now. We'll get through this together." 

Within a matter of moments, she was asleep.


End file.
